I read a comment recently about training smart versus hard. In response to the tendency to trump effective training with toughness, the gentleman retorted the following:
“Cheap steaks are tough.”
That comment sat with me and hasn’t left me yet. I have a tendency to be quite tough, with my training, education, teaching, and relationships. But am I being tender enough? Am I a cheap steak in my life?
Tender is palatable. Tough is not. Tender can also make one a doormat. You beat up a good steak first to tenderize it, no? To be an effective coach, parent, friend, spouse, and practitioner, one must be tough and tender.
Honestly, I surround myself with tough/tender folks. Every mentor I have ever known has been tough and tender. Every friend that has become closest to me has been tough and tender. I only choose coaches and doctors/therapists that are tough and tender.
I don’t want a doctor that states, “Oh, come see me whenever you want, and don’t be responsible for your lifestyle decisions.” No! I want whom I hire to make me accountable. In part, that is why they are hired – to bring me towards health. And that takes discipline, along with a sniper’s eye for assessment and diagnostics.
You can be warm and loving and still be tough. Sometimes that toughness is perceived as “mean” or “edgy.” So be it.
In regards to diet and training, the same applies. You can go full force. But unless it’s efficient, you are getting hurt. Tough must meet tender.
So, think if that 60-minute spin class is tough or tender. Think if squatting 400 pounds when you can’t squat your own body weight – is that tough or tender? Your doctor not providing you the tools to be healthier but telling you to get to health – is that tough or tender? We need to train smart AND hard. We need people around us that show us what is done well and what needs corrections.
Tough + tender = effective.
– Dr. Kathy Dooley