Dooley Noted: 9/9/18
I’ve learned a huge chunk of what I know about power from men.
These aren’t men that gave brute strength efforts as I watched in awe at testosterone-laden aggression.
They are men who said to me, “I can do it, so you most certainly can.”
These are men like my father, who never told me I couldn’t do something because I was a girl.
These are men like my two male business partners, who ask everyone (regardless or sex) to rise up.
And these are men like my former steel bending coach, Chris Rider, who demanded I do things to which I did not gravitate so I would improve myself.
Never did these men make me feel small or talk down to me for being female.
They do not believe strength is reserved for the Y chromosome.
They are the first to admit that they are not only not special due to their sex.
They know when it comes to strength, no one is special at all.
There are those people that do and those that don’t.
These men don’t create a sense of power by making inappropriate advances at women.
They don’t have to harass women and make them feel small.
They don’t attack us.
We have a saying in ID: “Meet them where they are and take them where they’re not.”
These are the men with whom I am existing. They may not state this motto – but they are busy living it.
So it’s hard to be tolerant of any other behavior from men than one of a demand to rise onward together.
For every story about some movie star doing lewd acts, I have more stories of how Jason Kapnick and Joe Boffi motivated me to seek power through the kettlebell.
For every story of our POTUS being inappropriate to women, I have double the stories of how my father challenged me to arm wrestle him.
For every story of some power-hungry male attempting to make women feel small, I have ten examples daily of how my husband tried to build me up to help me be the strongest, most resilient version of myself in every facet of life.
That’s the rub:
Men with REAL power don’t have to make women – or anyone – feel small in order to feel powerful.
Real men know power is mutually enhancing.
Instead of sucking someone’s power as if they were bloodthirsty, real men surround themselves with women who rise to power.
It’s not, “I am powerful.”
It’s, “We are powerful.”
I’ve dissected enough bodies to know that once the reproductive anatomy is covered, you’d be hard-pressed to tell the difference between a male and female.
We are powerful, regardless of sex. And we don’t have to step on others to gain power.
While I am disconcerted by the stories of women being harassed by men, I’m certainly glad people are feeling strong enough to talk about it.
And I’m even more sure that men have an opportunity to rise up to be more like many of the men in my life.
Men, if you want power, dig deep to find it within yourself. It’s there waiting for you.
And as you are finding it, you are likely to come across some powerful females, ready to help you enhance your own as you help build them up, too.
You don’t have to attempt to take someone else’s power. That’s only temporary, fleeting power anyway.
The intrinsic power you build by helping others build themselves up will fuel you for a lifetime.
As always, it’s your call.
-Dr. Kathy Dooley-