My friend and mentor Dr. Randy Menser likes to say the following:
“There are only two sources of frustration in this life: unfulfilled expectation and undelivered communication.”
I tried to swallow that jagged pill for a while. And I’ve found in every situation – he is right.
This past weekend, I was tagging a practical exam for students. My favorite song came on the shuffle, and for a moment, I had a heart pang.
I had deprived myself of listening to this artist’s music for nearly a year after meeting her. I had idolized her for a decade, and finally went to her concert. Upon meeting her, she was unkind and barely made eye contact.
I judged her, because I had expectations and was let down. When I expect something out of someone else, it sets me up for disappointment and frustration.
I punished myself for this expectation by not listening to her music. The only person that was hurt was yours truly.
So, I tagged that practical, singing my favorite song at the top of my lungs. The punishment was over.
When we expect things out of others, we get nothing but hurt when they can’t deliver. Setting oneself up for hurt seems like an unhealthy approach to life, so I’m working on flipping the script.
And it feels pretty awesome not to punish oneself.
– Dr. Kathy Dooley