Dooley Noted: 5/19/2014
Some people don’t get better overnight.
Sometimes it takes some trials to see what works.
This particular patient’s struggle to live free from pain and anxiety was so inspiring that I asked her if I could share it.
She obliged. I hope you enjoy her amazing story of self-awareness and dedication to her work.
She had her first 10,000 pain-free steps in years this past weekend.
In an email sent to me from her last week:
“Something happened during my session with you today. I really started believing you that I am actually getting stronger, that I might get better, that I might not have pain and digestive dysfunction forever. I had never believed you when you said this to me before. In fact, I had always bristled inside, thinking ‘I’m not you! I will never emerge from this!’ I realized after our session today that I didn’t do that. I BELIEVED you. I let myself have some hope. How surprising!
For me, the notion that I could get better, that in many ways, I already am, is entirely new….like, never before entertained in the 14 years I’ve been living with pain.
My mom has really reinforced this. When I talk about you, no matter how positive I am, she always says, ‘It’s such a shame. Think of all of those years of wasted time and money you spent seeing other people.’
As you know, I do not often indulge in positive thinking particularly when it comes to anything related to me. I clearly come from a family of accomplished pessimists!
I am ready to change the negative script. I’ve been overdetermined by it for years. I need to hear myself say something other than, ‘No one can help me. This is going to be my reality forever. There will be no end to the pain.’ And I REALLY need to drown out my mother’s negative voice that tells me that you came into my life too late, that my body is somehow impervious to change.
Besides, all of that negative doom-and-gloom stuff just isn’t accurate anymore, and it’s also entirely dismissive of all of our hard work together.
I want to retire that tired script and try a new one.
So, I’m starting now:
-I live in a different body now than when I first met you and I am finally giving myself permission to see that. For me, the most irrefutable evidence of my change came when, earlier this week, I watched a video you took of me during our first session. I tried to do a squat while holding onto a door handle and my pain-free range of motion was just a few inches. (It was even less than that actually, but I was too embarrassed to tell you at the time!) I did a squat after watching that video and was in awe. It didn’t hurt. And I could do a bunch more totally pain-free.
-I’m no longer desperately seeking a seat each time I board the subway. Now I can stand tall for long periods of time. I have wanted to do that for years!
-I can do all kinds of exercises that I thought would never be able to do-handstands, push-ups, kettlebell swings-and I REALLY want to do those exercises. They are not a chore. They are what my body wants and has wanted for so long. You were right: I really DO need to lift heavy stuff.
-I don’t need to hit eject each time I’m uncomfortable because I now know how to breathe. I can always come back to that, and breathing consciously really does give me the strength and perspective to stick out the hard moments.
-My eating has changed radically. It’s still very much a work in progress and I am uncovering the ways in which my digestion is impacted by the ways I think about food. After speaking with you today, I feel much better equipped to ease up on myself and my concerns about whether or not I’m eating the ‘right’ thing. I’m learning as I go. I can’t expect to have this one mastered in such a short time because changing my eating habits and mindset around food will take time and much trial and error.
-And I also understand that I don’t need to approach my digestion as though something is terribly wrong. To be fair, there is much room for discovery and improvement AND I’m really working on it. I’m persisting. In the midst of all of this, I’m not wasting away. I’m actually thriving physically. I never thought I would be able to say that!
So, there you have it. My first attempt at creating a new script around my health!
I’m sending this to you with all of the gratitude I can muster…and it’s a lot!”
I couldn’t speak for hour after reading this. I am so honored to be a part of such a powerful woman’s journey towards health.
After seeing her share of professionals, she took a huge introspective look at her role in her health. Her work, as you read, has changed her own life.
As always, it’s your call.
– Dr. Kathy Dooley