Dooley Noted: 8/31/2015
My day started with a text from a friend.
I had fallen short – and his was not a forgiving nature.
Then, negative emails and comments started getting magnified in their presence.
I decided to walk to campus in the rain, a sort of baptism from the start of my day.
Raining in Grenada can be torrential, since it is covered in rain forest.
Roads flood quickly.
An SUV with excessive speed and no pedestrian regards drove through a massive puddle.
This muddy puddle was the coup de gras, smacking my entire body with its force.
The car didn’t even look back, so I reacted like a reflex.
Every sprint muscle in my body chased after that car.
He was slowed at the top of a hill, but I was not.
My rage chased him right onto campus.
Though blinded by the rain – and my anger, I saw the car turn left.
But his white SUV was buried in a sea of similar cars.
I felt the rain pelting my eyes and my thighs cease moving. I stood there, blowing off acid, with nowhere to direct my anger.
In Chinese medicine, anger is the pathological emotion of the liver. I clutched my side and felt my fire.
Then, I cried harder than I have in a year.
I cried for the friend I lost – and how I can’t seem to make things right.
I cried for the mistakes I’ve made – and the opportunities I’ve lost to ask for forgiveness.
And as I felt my body let all that pressure go, I felt my body move again.
I felt myself care less about the car that splashed me.
I felt myself care less about negative commentary.
And I promised to work harder at not being so reactionary – chasing things that don’t matter.
I walked into the lab, completely drenched.
Not a single student cared. They were drenched, too.
They were all dealing with their own problems. But they showed up to lab to turn their day around.
We listened to each other.
We laughed.
We made memories about the anatomy that may last to exam day – and maybe even Step 1 of their boards.
And I left that lab completely different than the way I entered it.
It was still raining – but it felt different this time.
You can let the rain wash you out.
Or, you can let it renew your perspective.
As always, it’s your call.
– Dr. Kathy Dooley
