Dooley Noted: 9/2/2015
When I was 20, I was a very sick lady.
I was at my weakest point of life, clinging onto anything I could to survive.
I went to a therapist for one year.
It was helpful.
I got better.
So, I stopped going.
Here it is, 16 years later.
While I am not on the ledge like I once was, my life has changed dramatically in the last two years.
The mental and physical rigors of my schedule have not burned me out, like everyone predicted.
Instead, I started losing connections with people I love, and I watched my personal life decline.
I used to feed myself the lies that exercise was the best form of therapy.
I exercise daily. It still wasn’t getting it done.
I thought for the last decade plus I only needed good friends to whom I could vent my frustrations or speak of my issues.
These friends could be my sounding boards for when I was stressed, and they could help me through the troubled times.
Unfortunately, none of my friends are trained professionals in psychotherapy.
So, it was like the blind leading the blind.
I realize that instead of dealing with the way that I felt about my life, I would just take on more jobs.
After all, work equals purpose and self-sufficiency in my mind.
I had boundless energy, a gift from God, right? I loved my jobs, and I loved my life.
Therapy didn’t even occur to me as a helpful avenue.
There exists a stigma that therapy is for weak and self-indulgent people.
I wasn’t weak. I was strong. I was the one people look up to.
The truth is that therapy is for all people who are struggling. And since I promote facing struggles, it was time to stop avoiding therapy.
Most of us need it, and few of us actually are getting it.
I was describing the last two years of change to three friends in the same day.
I discussed my workload, which often approached seven days a week. I talked about my very long workdays.
I talked about giving up a social life for more acts of service.
I talked about rapid success of our gym, practice, and seminar series, and my rapid succession as one of the leaders of human movement education.
I talked about my failed relationships, including failed friendships, that were coinciding with my career success. All three sources said the same thing to me in the same day:
“Have you considered talking to a therapist?”
I scoffed and rolled my eyes. But there is power in numbers, and I could no longer ignore that three people had the same advice.
So, last month, I started seeing a therapist weekly. Luckily for me, she can do Skype consultations. I have zero excuses to miss, no matter where I am in the world.
Today and last week, we Skyped while I was in Grenada and she was in New York.
What’s amazing about a trained professional is they rarely talk about themselves. It’s the one hour per week that is completely about Kathy as a person, where I don’t have to apologize for being the subject of the conversation.
It’s one of the highlights of my week, because it helps me clear the cobwebs in which I often get stuck.
She never makes me feel weak. In fact, all she does is show me the potential for growth and change.
Growth and change are recipes for strength in many facets.
I was embarrassed in my 20s, telling people that I went to a therapist.
But I will no longer be embarrassed for trying to get stronger, to get more clear, to get more focused, and to diminish the minutia that often weighs me down.
If you have not experienced therapy, I suggest it.
You’re not weak or self-indulgent if you go.
You can get a referral from a friend or your general practitioner.
There is even a website, called Breakthrough, where you can find therapists that are willing to Skype with you, if you travel like I do.
I hope you don’t take on the burdens yourself.
Therapy is not just for the weak.
Therapy is for the people trying to get stronger.
As always, it’s your call.
– Dr. Kathy Dooley
