Dooley Noted: 11/17/2015
When people see me, I am told they see an enormously bright light – particularly when I teach.
Some wish to put it out.
Others gravitate to it and learn with me.
Either way, it’s blinding – until you learn to let it light your path.
I know the reason it shines so brightly.
The darkest time of my life was in my first year of my masters degree in anatomy.
I lived in a place of virtual seclusion, in Seneca Falls, New York.
I felt I had gotten in over my head, studying a very difficult topic, far away from any semblance of a support system – in a place with limited sunlight.
I remember some nights crying myself to sleep, feeling so overwhelmed by the choice I made to study such difficult material.
The negative self-talk was rampant.
“I just can’t do this.”
“I’m not smart enough.”
“These students deserve someone better.”
But every day, I would peel myself out of bed, knowing that these students needed help.
I would stay in the lab after hours until late into the night, committing myself to learning the material.
I would arrive early to review with my kind and giving advisors.
I tried to create ways to make it easier for myself, so I could teach others to make it easier.
Thus, I have known darkness.
The light is stark contrast to the darkness.
Perhaps this is why my light shines so bright to people.
I endured – and continue to ensure – so I can help other people better endure.
I don’t just want to teach the over-eager kids in my class. I want to help the student that struggles the most to understand the material in his or her own way.
I am not cursed because anatomy didn’t come easily to me.
I had to experience that darkness to have the stark contrast that is my current light.
Anatomy was my lowest board score.
You can turn any darkness into the contrast that is the light.
Then, you can shine the light to brighten others’ dark pathways.
As always, it’s your call.
– Dr. Kathy Dooley
