Dooley Noted: 12/18/2015
I am a long time student of relationships.
Having watched a successful parental union for 37 of its 48 years, I’ve seen exactly what it takes to make a partnership work for the long haul.
But a scientist must not measure experience on an n=1.
So, since high school, I’m the one at the party always asking long-term couples how they make it work.
An interesting concept was brought up by one of my best friends, Dr. Monica Chadha.
When I asked Monica about how one decides to stay in a union, she gave me enlightenment.
She mostly spoke about the tough times with her and her wife, Kristen.
“It’s easy to find people to share with you during the good times. Laughing, fun, sex? That’s easy. But you stay when you find someone who you’re willing to go through hell with and come back. And there’s no one I’d rather go through hell with than Kristen.”
Rough spots in any relationship are inevitable.
I’ve been the confidante, observer, and subjective recipient of these hard times.
And I have to agree with Monica.
The most significant times in my relationships have been during the tough times – when we didn’t give up.
And some of my most important memories from childhood were watching my parents endure struggles as a partnership, just to overcome them time and time again.
Sometimes it’s health challenges.
Sometimes it’s the land mines of triggers from past experiences.
Sometimes it’s familial disputes and strong personalities.
No matter the cause, I imagine being next to my partner, blazing forward together and dodging the bullets.
As a student, I’d love to know your thoughts on how you went through hell alongside your partner – to return to calmer ground again.
You might help our readers face their next trip into hell with more preparation.
As always, it’s your call.
– Dr. Kathy Dooley
