Dooley Noted: 4/29/2016
I am 37 and currently unmarried.
In my nearly four decades, I’ve been in my share of relationships.
I’ve also spent long spans between boyfriends, experiencing my life on my own.
I have traveled the world by myself, teaching on several different continents.
And until a few months ago, I lived alone.
During these pauses between relationships, I never once got lonely.
That was reserved for the time I was in relationships.
Each of my relationships had high-flying red flags that it was inappropriate to be in them.
Yet, for the most part, I stayed.
I figured it was better to be 60% happy in a relationship than be single, taking the chance I’d never be 100% happy.
But, it never lasted.
Something in my gut told me to move on.
Either they ended it or I did, shortly after those feelings arose.
Until the union was broken, I’d get crippling loneliness, mixed with doubt I’d never find The One.
And in what would be my last attempt to make something inappropriate work, the loneliness almost drowned me.
When you hit the rock bottom of loneliness, it gives you enormous clarity.
You understand that 99% of your neurotransmitters aren’t in your brain, the structure that talked you into the relationship.
Those neurotransmitters are in your gut.
The gut feeling is real.
And in my clarity, I knew that 60% happy meant a lifetime of some sort of loneliness.
It also meant losing the chance to be 100% happy.
I’ve been lonely.
I’ve been alone.
They aren’t the same.
And as someone who is 100% happy in her relationship, I can assure you that you shouldn’t ignore those gut feelings.
Every relationship that didn’t work led me to my future husband.
I hope you think with your brain – never ignoring your gut.
And I hope you become completely intolerant to being 60% happy or any degree of lonely.
As always, it’s your call.
-Dr. Kathy Dooley
