Dooley Noted: 6/3/2016
On my flight to the West Coast, I let myself reminisce to last June.
I thought I was content, working jobs I loved from dawn to dusk.
I didn’t make much time for family, but they never once made me feel bad about it.
I felt I was walking alone through the mud, but I was happy to tread it.
I was a proud soldier of my own mission to help others.
I was building some things I helped create, while helping the growth of other things in which I strongly believed.
I never had time to feel lonely, really.
But inside, I had my struggles.
When I missed my family, the mud got harder to tread on those days.
I missed the idea of making a family of my own.
I was starting to let others convince me I would never have one.
After all, I was a career woman – and I had a mission.
As I was visiting my niece and nephew even more, I was realizing I wanted my own family that might never be afforded to me.
On those days with the little ones, the mud was hard to tread after leaving them.
I found myself walking down old paths, trying a relationship that didn’t work the first time.
For six months, I tugged and clawed at a relationship that would never work.
I knew in my gut. And I did it anyway.
It left me broken in fumbling in the biggest, darkest mud pool I’ve ever encountered.
The struggles we create always have deeper pools.
Then, I met my husband.
Even though my eyes were still covered in mud, he grabbed my hand to prevent me from drowning.
And when I wiped my eyes, he was standing there smiling, walking beside me.
We both looked at each other and said, “Where have you been?”
And nothing has been the same since that day.
Now, I realize the mud was necessary to tread.
I don’t regret a single choice I’ve made in this life.
It all led me to him. And he is my new family. It’s just the two of us and some cats now. But it will grow.
And I never had to give up my mission.
I just had to tread towards my goals.
If you are currently treading some thick mud, I can empathize.
Please marinate in what I write here.
I am right beside you, reader.
I have been through the mud, and you will come out of it each time to find old and new people who love you.
You will have more love than you can hold.
But you must love and trust yourself enough to tread that mud.
Sometimes the puddles are created for you.
Sometimes you will create them.
No punishment nor blame is ever necessary.
Actually, punishment is a waste of the energy you’ll need to tread the mud ahead.
Only through the treading can you learn to appreciate the people that will hold your hand in future treads.
The mud may consistently be there, but you will learn more about the stuff of which you are made.
I hope I’m part of your army, in small or large part, as you tread through it all.
As always, it’s your call.
– Dr. Kathy Dooley
